Once Halloween is over, the stores will be decked out for Christmas! Are you ready? Or do you feel a pang of overwhelm? The holidays are a super busy time for many people. It’s also a time when people tend to get sick. There’s a powerful trick to help you be healthier and happier over the holidays. In today’s guest post, life coach Angie Monko shares the little two-letter word that can make a big difference and how to wield it with grace and ease.
Would you like to know how to stay sane by learning to say no gracefully so you don’t end up doing things you’d rather not do or getting sick because you’ve overcommitted? The holidays are especially stressful for women because our responsibilities seem to quadruple.
We have such an innate desire to make others happy. So there may be a tendency to over-spend and over-schedule ourselves. If this sounds like you, consider making this holiday season different.
Most of us are never taught how to say no gently and tactfully. We think that by saying NO we will hurt others’ feelings, disappoint them, anger them, in essence, create conflict. But think about it…
Would you rather have a “conflict” that’s out in the open and so can therefore be dealt with, or would you prefer to keep the “conflict” buried within you? Ever hear the saying, “Go within or go without” or “feelings buried alive never die”?
This is pointing towards what happens when we hide conflict within ourselves without dealing with it. It tends to fester and create feelings of resentment.
So what can you do? You can learn to gracefully say no without damaging your self-esteem and the relationship. NOTE: You don’t control what others do or how they respond to your “no.”
Your job is to be true to yourself and honestly communicate how you think and feel. The rest of life will take care of itself. If you’re meant to be in a relationship, you will be. But sometimes, certain relationships will not survive for whatever reason.
- For example, when someone asks you to do something that you really don’t want to do, it’s okay to say, “I’m not available.”
- If they give you push back and ask why, you could say, “I have an appointment.” If you have an appointment with a Lifetime movie, a hot bath, and your favorite Chinese, then so be it. Scheduled self-care time is vital. Don’t feel you HAVE to explain yourself.
At an upcoming workshop, I will share more on how to say no and some of the downsides to saying yes when you’d rather say no.
Of course there are upsides to saying YES as well, which I’ve hinted at above. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have been doing it all this time. Can you think of how it might serve you to say yes frequently and keep very busy?
I look at my own experience. If I say yes, people will like me and think I’m nice. People will accept me and approve of me. I get to avoid conflict and uncomfortable situations. If I’m really busy, I feel important. People may even say, “I have no idea how you get it all done!” This can feed my need to be needed and feel important.
Plus, if I slow down, I have a tendency to FEEL unpleasant feelings, which I’d rather avoid. Can you relate? So you see, there are a LOT of benefits to saying YES. Unfortunately, they have some pretty severe downsides, which I delve into at the upcoming October workshops on 10/18 and 10/26. Click here to register for either date.
Believe it or not, it’s really OK to say no to others. And you don’t have to explain yourself. If you have an appointment with a hot bath, a Lifetime movie, a box of Kleenex, and your favorite Chinese food, there is no need to apologize. This is critical self-care time that needs to be put on the calendar.
Sometimes, when you say NO to others, you are actually saying yes to yourself. If you don’t put yourself first, who will? Sadly, probably no one. It’s your responsibility to state what you want and need. People can’t read your mind although I’m sure you’d love for them to, just like I would.
You’re human. Give yourself a break. Slow down. Savor your life. Let me help you with this. Register now for either 10/18 or 10/26. I look forward to seeing you soon!
To Your Transformation,
For nearly 15 years, life coach and “Mindset Maven” Angie Monko has helped hundreds of people feel happier, more confident, and more energized and excited about life. She has helped people feel empowered to live life on their terms, to be healthier and less likely to get sick. She has helped people repair broken relationships and create new healthy ones. She has even helped people double and triple their incomes.
Angie creates a safe space to help people transform into their best selves through her workshops, retreats, coaching and online programs. She teaches people how to set healthy boundaries by becoming “worthy self-advocates” and move past subconscious blocks so they reduce their stress, take better care of themselves and are then better equipped to care for others. She is an expert in mind and emotions, a seasoned emotional freedom technique practitioner, certified hypnotist and certified healing code practitioner.
For more information, visit Angie’s website www.HarmonyHarbor.com.