Have you ever felt disappointed when things didn’t go the way you wanted? When you went through what felt like a devastating setback? When a relationship ended? When a job ended? Ever thought you just had to be with someone or have something? Or things were supposed to go another way?
Well here’s the thing—while you may feel amazing when you’re in love with someone you adore, when you’re working a dream job, when you’re driving a fabulous car, or when things are going just the way you want them—that person or thing or circumstance is not the cause of that amazing feeling.
No one (like a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse) and no thing (like a job or car) holds the keys to your happiness. You do. You don’t need to bend over backwards to please someone so they’ll be with you so you can get that amazing feeling again. You don’t have to work your ass off to have the right amount of money or a job or status people admire.
You don’t need to chase after anyone or anything to be happy. Things don’t have to be going just right for you to be happy. The Truth is there is an endless supply of joy, love, peace, excitement and bliss and it’s right there within you now. The Truth is that when you feel happy and excited when you’re with someone or doing something, that’s because you have tapped into those energies already within you.
If you think you have to be with someone, have a certain amount of money or have a specific kind of job to be happy, that’s just not true. It’s mental BS—a lie the ego tells you. If that person or that thing goes away, they haven’t gone and left with your happiness. Happiness is not out there somewhere. The Truth is you can tap into happiness and excitement anytime all on your own.
There are lots of things you can do to tap into the endless spring of joy within you. It could be with a walk in the park, petting an animal, creating art, enjoying a hobby, getting yourself a bouquet of flowers, helping someone or playing a game. Ask yourself what you enjoy and be kind to you and do some of those things.
You can also just pause, look around you and ask yourself what you appreciate about your life right now, what is right in front of you. The Truth is you can feel happy staring at a wall just because you choose to. Look at the textures and the colors, the smoothness or the cracks.
Life is an endlessly rich experience. Love what is right before you. Your life is already full of great gifts now.
Doing things that bring out your joy are all acts of love for yourself. Don’t deny yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you or for everything to be just right in your life. That’s setting yourself up for failure. If another person is the only one doing things that bring out your joy, if life has to be a certain way, then when that person is gone or life throws you a curveball, those happy feelings are gone, because you’ve neglected to tap into those feelings on your own. You neglected you. Not another person. Not God.
This also puts a hell of a lot of pressure on partners and friends if you think you need to be with them to feel happy, if you’re not doing things on your own to bring out your joy. They’re just not responsible for your happiness and what a weight on a relationship to think that’s true.
You can be and feel free and be who you really are in a relationship, knowing you don’t need it. Relationships are healthier and flow more freely and harmoniously when each person is being themselves and loving themselves by doing things that bring out their joy within. Then you can come together authentically as the people you truly are (not wearing a mask of who you think you’re supposed to be) and share the joy you both bring to your relationship.
And if you’re mired in thinking you’ve got to be with someone or have something, you are hurting yourself by creating your own suffering. The Truth is that the Universe is kind and always bringing you just what you need. It is orchestrating everything in your favor even if you don’t understand it at the time (it’s typically easier to see looking back).
I love what Byron Katie wrote in A Friendly Universe,
How do I know I don’t need what I want? I don’t have it.
So if you don’t have something you want, don’t wait for it to be happy. Choose to see how blessed and rich you are right now. Don’t wait for someone else to be kind and loving to you. Do something kind and loving for yourself. All your life, you’re the one you’ve been waiting for.
Put It in Practice. What can you love in your life right now? What can you do to be kind and loving to yourself right now?
- A very uplifting practice is to start and end each day by writing down some things you are grateful for.
- If you’re not sure what you can do to be kind and loving to yourself, brainstorm and write down what comes to you. Then keep that list on hand as a reminder and do those things on a regular basis. Get out for a walk. Take a bubble bath. Throw a ball around with a dog. Whatever pleases you. Love on you. Tap into the happiness within you. You deserve it.